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23 June

Do You Feel Old?

DO YOU FEEL OLD?

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 60's, 70's and early 80's probably shouldn't have survived,
because our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based
paint, which was promptly chewed and licked. We had no child-proof
lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine
to play with pans.

When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip-flops and fluorescent 'spokey dokey's' on our wheels. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags - riding in the passenger seat was a treat. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle and it tasted the same.

 



We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy juice with sugar
in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing..We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no one actually died from this. We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went topspeed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us and no-one minded. We did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all.

   

No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no DVDs, no Internet chat rooms.
We had friends - we went outside and found them. We played elastics and rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt! We fell out of trees, got cut, and broke bones but there were no lawsuits. We had full on fistfights but no prosecution followed from other parents.

We played knock-on-the-door-and-run-away and were actually afraid of the owners catching us. We walked to friends' homes. We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn't rely on mummy or daddy to drive us to school, which was just round the corner. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls.

We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of...They actually sided with the law. This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And you're one of them. Congratulations! Pass this on to others
who have had the luck to grow as real kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good.

For those of you who aren't old enough thought you might like to read about us. This my friends, is surprisingly frightening, and it might put a smile on your face: The majority of students in universities today were born in 1986. They are called youth. They have never heard of "We are the World", "We are the children", and the Uptown Girl they know is by West life not Billy Joel. They have never heard of Rick Ashley, Bananarama, Nina Cherry or Belinda Carlisle. For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam. AIDS has existed since they were born CD's have existed since they were born. Michael Jackson has
always been white.

To them John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can't imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance. They believe that Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible are Films from last year. They can never imagine life before computers. They'll never have pretended to be the A Team, Red-Hand Gang or the Famous Five. They'll never have applied to be on "Jim'll Fix It" or "Why Don't You". They can't believe in black and white television ever existed. And they will never understand how we could leave the house without a mobile phone.

Now let's check if we're getting old...

1. You understand what was written above and you smile.

2. You need to sleep more, usually until the afternoon, after a night out.

3. Your friends are getting married/already married.

4. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably with computers.

5. When you see teenagers with mobile phones, you shake your head.

6. You remember watching Dirty Den in East-Enders the first time around..

7. You meet your friends from time to time, talking about the good old days, repeating again all the funny you have experienced together.

8. Having read this post, you are thinking of forwarding it to some other friends because you think they will like it too...

Hayley Jones

Occupation
Interests
Hi, I'm Hayley and I am 24 but feeling 19!!! I have a 2 year old daughter called Kayla and we are our own little team. I am generally the life and soul of any party and the shoulder for a friend to cry on.
20 January

hello

Just realised that I have had this space for little over a year, give a few days.  I don't really update much and when I do it is random stuff but I can't really talk about a lot on here.  Cannot believe it is January again, only seems like yesterday my friend Martin was telling me about this and I decided to set it up.  I think my first entry was the 13th Jan 2005 and it wasn't about much.  Have a lot of photos so hopefully they keep people entertained.
 
Kayla is asleep so I am taking the opportunity to watch what I want on the television, currently it is celebrity big brother haha.  Feels weird Dan not being able to get online but I am sure he will be able to sort his situation out soon.
 
Went to the cinema last night with Ryan and watched King Kong, really long film but I really enjoyed it.  He was bored for the first hour until the action kicked off haha.  Think i am going to get comfortable and watch some rubbish on tele
17 September

Donkey - stolen off mikey

 What do you call a donkey with one leg?
A wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while
breaking wind?
A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love
while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes?
A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love
while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes and playing piano?
A plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love
while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes, playing piano and driving
a
Bus?
F***in' talented
06 September

random

 
1. First Name: Hayley
2. Were you named after anyone? Nope
3. If so, who? Doesnt apply to me!!
4. Are you answering these questions during work? It is 2.31am!!!
5. When did you last cry? Today
6. Do you like your hand writing? Only when i have a nice pen and a good surface to lean on
7. What is your favorite lunch meat? Chicken
8. Bad Habits? FARTING!!!
9. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf?  Peter Andrew - Mysterious Girl 1996 version
10. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Damn straight
12. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Yes
13. Do looks matter? Yes & no
14. How do you release anger? MY Chemical Romance - I'm Not Fucking Okay!!
15. Where is your second home? The pub
16. Do you trust others easily? More than I should
17. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Little Pony awwwww
18. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Too Much
19. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? No, I'd get stuck
20. What do you look for in a woman/man? Genuine is a start
21. Who is your favorite band? The Killers
22. Would you bungee jump? How much would you pay me?
23. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Ashamedly no
24. Do you think that you are strong? Emotionally yes
25. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate.
26. Shoe Size? 7 - I have clown feet
27. What are your favorite colors? Blue & Red
28. What is your least favorite thing? Beetroot
29. How many wisdom teeth do you have? 2 and a half
30. How many people have a crush on you right now? I need more fingers and toes
31. What do you miss most right now? Ema
32. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? I havent sent it, I blogged it
33. What color pants are you wearing? Black undies
34. What are you listening to right now? Ben Harper - Walk Away
35. Last thing you ate? Pate on toast
36. If you were a crayon what color would you be? RED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
37. What is the weather like right now? Not hot, just the way i like it
38. Last person you talked to on the phone? My friend Claire
39. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes and bum hehe
40. Do you like the person who sent you this? I pinched it off a blog and yes she is nice
41. How are you today? Sore, erratic, tired....
42. Favorite drink? Orange fanta or diet coke
43. Favorite Alcoholic Drink? Whiskey and coke
44. Favorite Sport? Sport sucks the big one
45. Hair color? Generally brown but dyed red, its wishy washy now though grrrrr
46. Eye color? Hazel
47. Do you wear contacts? Nope!!
48. Siblings? 2 Brothers and a sister
49. Favorite month? Oct - Dec
50. Favorite food? Lasagne
51. Last movie you watched? Some shitty Thai speaking Kung Fu film called Ong flaming Bok **yawn**
52. Favorite day of the year? Christmas eve weeeeeeeeeee
53. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Depends who it is I guess
54. Scary movies or happy endings? Scary films but I am a big tid
55. Summer or winter? Winter definately
56. Hugs or kisses? Kisses
57. Relationships or one night stands?  Relationships for sure
58. Who is most likely to respond? Who ever also decides to blog this
59. Least likely to respond? I don't care lol
60. What are you doing right now? Shaking my legs **habit**
61. What books are you reading? I am reading magazines - Take a Break yay lol
62. What's on your mouse pad? What mouse pad?
63. Favorite board game? MMMMMonopoly baby.
64. What did you watch on TV last night? last night?  Sweet FA
65. Favorite smell? Cakes
66. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up? Why does Kayla wake me up at 6.30 lately???
03 August

Priceless

 MASTERCARD wedding You gotta love this guy...

This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson
University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned
it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at
the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to
the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from
long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted
to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law
for providing such a lavish reception.
 
As a token of his deep
appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from
him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding
party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and
asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an
8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had
gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a Private
detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the
guests' Reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and
said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!".
Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here." He
had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.
 
While most people
would have cancelled the wedding immediately after finding out about the
affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were
wrong. His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a
300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's
and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells. Do you think we might get a
MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and
friends....$32,000
Wedding photographs commemorating the
occasion....$3,000.
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in
Maui....$8,500.
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride
humping the best man....Priceless. There are some things money
can't buy, for everything else there's Mastercard.
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me ....it was her
beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check
the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top of the stairs, she pulled off her panties and threw them down at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test...we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car!


 
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